Blog

Whenever I find myself anxious about the future, I return to that fundamental question: Where do I come from, and where am I going? Structurally speaking, we all live in various forms of predicaments, swept along by a state apparatus that is constantly evolving and expanding. Humans, like animals, are drawn to strength; we all hope to earn more money and gain greater fame and fortune. This ambition driven by self-interest constitutes the meaning of our existence. But taking a step back, if we no longer had this ambition driven by self-interest, and if the meaning of existence were no longer rooted in utilitarian or pragmatic considerations, would everything we're doing now still hold any meaning? As I get older—though I'm only 24 today—I can clearly feel myself becoming more rigid and conformist. This pattern, much like reinforcement learning, seems to be hardwired into our genes. It feels as though, much like the increase in entropy, it's constantly eroding our capacity to learn. We often speak of "early training," and I can feel my ability to learn steadily declining with age. Growing older may bring increased wealth and fame, but it cannot provide a better way of thinking.